High-Level Summary

Navigating the college admissions process can be daunting, especially with the pressure to follow so-called "proven" paths to success. In this article, we debunk the myth of "college pleasing"—the practice of tailoring students’ activities and applications to mimic what others believe leads to college acceptance. At Your Epic Consulting, we believe that true success in college admissions comes from embracing and showcasing students' authentic selves. Our younger, Gen Z-savvy coaches, who regularly partner with organizations like Helivox and NAAPIMHA, understand the unique challenges today’s students face. This article will guide you through the pitfalls of "college pleasing," explain why it’s counterproductive, and show you how authenticity and individuality are the real keys to securing admission to top colleges.

What is College Pleasing?

Tell me if this sounds familiar: A senior gets into Harvard, Stanford, or any other top-ranked school. Another parent hears about this and concludes that a specific sport, music activity, club involvement, or impressive grades/test scores secured the admission. This parent then starts making plans for their child to participate in the same activities, believing it to be a proven recipe for success.

This story, cycle, and myth is something I repeatedly dispel as a college coach. Parents see the end result—a prestigious school acceptance letter—and draw their own conclusions about what led to it. They often feel an urge to imitate what they believe to be a proven method. While this behavior is not exclusive to Asian parents, it is common among them. For a deeper dive into this mindset, check out this related blog article on Millennial perspectives on college admissions.

College Pleasing Fallacies

This thinking is problematic because it is based on speculation and assumptions rather than fact or reality. We all learn the importance of distinguishing between correlation and causation at an early age. Many factors correlate with college admissions success, such as strong grades, test scores, sustained extracurricular involvement, and compelling essays. However, boiling down a student's multifaceted experience to one or two significant factors is often misleading.

As someone who has reviewed hundreds, if not thousands, of applications, I know that every review is holistic and nuanced. Until parents show me a post-submission application with comments from the admissions officer saying, "because of this particular activity, we are admitting the student," I have to call this notion of college pleasing what it is—a fallacy.

Why Do Students and Parents College Please?

Students and parents consider college pleasing for similar reasons to why many of us changed our behaviors to fit in with higher-status kids in school or why parents involved in the 2019 USC Varsity Blues scandal made their choices. It boils down to insecurity and the need for acceptance. These parents, like those in the Varsity Blues scandal, believed their children couldn't get into prestigious schools on their own. This lack of belief drove them to imitate others' success stories, hoping to close the perceived gap.

Examples of College Pleasing

College pleasing manifests in various ways. Here are some examples based on my experience with students and parents:

The Student Who Writes What They Are Told: Some students care deeply about sharing their lived experiences, only to be told by a parent or coach to go in a different direction because their topic isn't "impressive" enough. For instance, encouraging a male student to write a drama essay because not many boys write about it can lead to a forced and inauthentic essay.
The Student Who Switches Majors Last Minute: Parents often ask, "Should my child apply for humanities or undeclared instead of a STEM major?" This last-minute switch can confuse admissions officers, who wonder if the student's major or body of work reflects their true interests.
The Student Whose "Why This School" Essay Mirrors the School's Marketing Brochure: Students sometimes overemphasize advertised qualities of a school, adopting them as their reasons for applying. While valid, these surface-level reasons often fail to connect with the applicant's individuality.

Drawbacks of College Pleasing

Lack of Authenticity: Students who fit into someone else's mold may lack enthusiasm and effort.
Boring and One-Dimensional: Applicants appear less interesting and unique.
Avoiding Conflict: College pleasers are more likely to avoid criticism, resulting in a lack of self-awareness and independent thinking.
Vulnerability in College: Inauthentic students may struggle with relationships and exploitation in a new environment.

Our Approach at Your Epic Consulting

At Your Epic Consulting, we believe that authentic college applications are built on a deep understanding of the student, not on the outdated tactics of "college pleasing." Our younger, dynamic coaching team is uniquely positioned to connect with today's students, offering a fresh and relatable approach that sets us apart from the traditional, parent-like advisors dominating the industry. By partnering with Gen Z-focused organizations like Helivox and NAAPIMHA, we stay in tune with the current interests and challenges students face, allowing us to guide them in crafting applications that truly reflect their individuality. Unlike other coaches who may dictate the process, we see students as equal partners, fostering a collaborative environment where they feel comfortable, understood, and empowered to showcase their authentic selves. Our fun and empathetic coaching style makes students more willing and excited to share their true stories, helping them stand out in the admissions process for all the right reasons.