Introduction: The Birth of 'College Pleasing'

I know what you’re probably thinking—“college pleasing,” what the heck is that? Well, if I’m being completely honest, it’s a term I made up, not out of thin air but out of my own lived experiences as someone who has gone through the competitive college admissions process in the 21st century.

As many of you know, and the fact that you’re here reading this article is a testament to that, even though I started my business a year ago, it was only a few months ago that I really focused and distilled the essence of my authentic story. Prior to that, frankly, I was all over the place. I attributed my struggles at UCLA to various factors: lacking reliable mentors, feeling lost/directionless, imposter syndrome, etc., but these were all symptoms stemming from a deeper root cause that wasn’t immediately apparent.

Finding My Authentic Story

It wasn’t until a fateful traffic-impacted drive to upstate New York for my younger sister’s graduation did my true story begin to emerge. Seriously, when I say traffic, I mean “taking two hours to get out of the city” TRAFFIC. To pass the time, my partner and I tried to dive more deeply into my story and what makes it, and me, unique. One astute observation my partner brought up was that the struggles I shared mostly took place at UCLA once I was already in college. It seems obvious now, but because I am doing college admissions coaching for high school students, she encouraged me to talk about what I struggled with in high school instead.

My immediate reaction was one of awkwardness and discomfort because doing so ran so contrary to what I had been doing for so long. But I decided to give it a shot—plus the traffic gifted us nothing but time, so why not? The memory that came to mind was my role as a high-ranking leadership position in a service club called Key Club. When I applied to college, this was the main highlight of my activities and essays because my assumption was that colleges were most impressed by leaders with impressive titles, jurisdiction, and impact.

The Inauthentic Highlight

But what I also told my partner that day was how sharing this experience on my college app felt forced and inauthentic. That’s because a big part of my role was also that of a politician—making my rounds to different schools in my region, being introduced in front of many but having meaningful conversations with few. That’s when I remembered that my favorite service event I ever attended actually happened well before I was elected to my ultimate leadership position.

I was volunteering at a foster home in my neighborhood and got the chance to spend an afternoon playing with this young boy. Even though we were probably eight years apart, we both geeked out over Pokémon and Yu-Gi-Oh! What I loved most about this event was that I was, more so than any other time, truly, purely, unapologetically being myself and felt accepted for it. I told my partner that if I could do college apps over again, I wished I had written about this experience instead, even if, by some measures, it’s a less “impressive topic” from the college perspective.

The Moment of Realization

Because I was driving at the time, part of my brain was probably functioning on autopilot, but I recall saying I felt like I was a big people pleaser in high school. I wanted to make everyone around me—friends, teachers, parents—happy, and I would convince myself that as long as they got what they wanted, I would be okay. So, in a moment of total unintentional introspection, I said I was people pleasing but for colleges... I was college pleasing.

And from that point on, the term "college pleasing" was born. My partner and I both knew that we had stumbled onto something special and couldn’t wait to dig into it more. Even though we were still stuck in traffic, both of us somehow intrinsically knew that my authentic story no longer was.

Conclusion: Embracing Authenticity Over 'College Pleasing'

The journey to coining "college pleasing" was a pivotal moment in my life. It highlighted the importance of authenticity and the dangers of conforming to perceived expectations. This term encapsulates the struggle many students face in the college admissions process, where they prioritize what they think colleges want over their true selves.

As I continue to guide students through their college admissions journeys, my goal is to help them avoid the trap of "college pleasing." Instead, I encourage them to embrace their unique stories, values, and passions. By prioritizing self-acceptance over college acceptance, students can achieve greater long-term success and fulfillment. Remember, it’s not about fitting into a mold but about showcasing your authentic self. If you’d like to continue this conversation or learn more about my experiences, please feel free to reach out via feiyang@yourepic.consulting!